The New Year makes one reflect on life. After looking back on the past and reflecting on the choices I made and the consequences of those choices, I now have to look toward the future and hope not to make the same mistakes.
One choice I struggle with is my decision to live life as a Noahide rather than life as a Liberal Jew. To some it may seem an odd choice esp seeing since I converted 15 years ago and I basically live like a Liberal Jew yet call myself a Noahide.
I now realize the reason I chose this path was because I need to be accepted by all Jews not just some. Others are fine and often happy with a liberal conversion, but part of my makeup makes me crave acceptance. When that acceptance was not universal I felt betrayed and lost.
Another reason is that I feel like a failure in some sense not being able to and not really wanting at this time to observe all the mitzvot that is incumbent upon Jews.
I do realize that most Jews are unobservant but I feel that as a convert should adhere strictly to the rules so to speak. Almost like you have to prove yourself….
I came to see too late that liberal Judaism was ever-changing and straying further away from Orthodoxy. I am against what most in the Liberal movements of Judaism support, like abortion, gay marriage, etc.
I found that as much to as I was attracted to Orthodox Judaism I was not able to commit to it at this time. The biggest reason is I don’t believe you can practice Judaism correctly outside of a Jewish community. If one does they run into the problem of finding schooling for the kids, suitable marriage partners and kosher foods.Being an observant Jew requires commitment, time, and money. Simply put I cannot afford to live an observant Jewish lifestyle.
I am just listing the obvious here not going into detail about how it would affect my marriage and other family relationships. I am really willing to forsake all ..
My goal is to have a close relationship with God, that is the key, not becoming Jewish, not doing something that feels intellectually correct , but doing what God requires and being committed to it. Would I like to be Jewish? Yes. Might I one day become Jewish? Yes. Is that where I am in my journey now? No.
Right Now is here in the present. Presently I am a Noahide and my goal is to grow closer to God by obeying his Torah and living a life based on those values. The seven laws are only a minimum ( http://www.noahide.com/minimum.htm) however. There’s nothing wrong with not being Jewish.
One does not need to be validated by the Rabbis to be a Noahide. l personally lean more toward the Karaite way of thinking. Commitment is necessary in all endeavors even more so if you plan to live a Noahide life, always being the odd one in a world filled with established religions. The road is certainly a rocky and lonely one, it’s up to us to build it a community.
The confusion of who is a Jew get convoluted with a liberal Jewish. With no agreement as to the acceptable standard the conversion is not universally accepted, in this instance I do agree that a certain standard of should be kept. At this time that means converting through an Orthodox beth din and even some of those are not accepted these days I hear.